Tag Archives: Bob Burg

Episode 90: Adversaries into Allies | Bob Burg, Best-Selling Author & Convention Speaker

Author of Adversaries into AlliesBob Burg is my very first repeat guest on the Defining Success Podcast. The first time he was on we talked about his book, the Go Giver (Episode 22). That was over a year ago and he’s back today to talk to us about his new book, Adversaries into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion. Bob is an expert at influencing people so that it’s a win-win situation for everyone.

Bob Burg is a sought after speaker at corporate conventions and for entrepreneurial events. He has addressed audiences ranging in size from 50 to 16,000 – sharing the platform with notables including today’s top thought leaders, broadcast personalities, Olympic athletes and political leaders including a former U.S. President.

Zeb’s Take – Addressing Your Adversaries

It was a real pleasure talking with Bob again. In his new book, Adversaries into Allies, that is something that really hits home with me. There’s a lot of people that you come into contact with, someone does have decision making power in your life. Having the ability to turn those adversaries into allies is a very important skill to have. And, it is something that can be acquired.

I didn’t realize this, jumping into business, I hadn’t encountered many true adversaries in the teaching profession. But I did encounter the situation when I went into the business world. I can think of two distinct examples:

One was a manager at a golf course where I was working. When he came in, it was very clear that he was not interested in social media and how social media worked, when I was working for him. Immediately, I saw him as an adversary and I didn’t make any outreach or any effort to try to turn him into an ally. I basically just avoided the situation and that was to my detriment. I learned a very valuable lesson from that: you need to be proactive in turning people who do have that influence and power or who are involved in your life in some way and try to change and correct that to make things better.

80 Bug, she is the one who wrote the theme song for The Defining Success Podcast. When we met, it started as a situation where I could have seen her as an adversary. But, I didn’t. It was because of that situation with that general manager that I decided to act in a different way. She is one of my biggest supporters now, and I’m one of her biggest supporters too. I think she is a phenomenal person who does really great things. That is one thing I think a lot of people need to look at.

Nobody out there is intentionally trying to be harmful to other people. It’s usually the perception that people have of how people are interacting with each other that drives them to think that other people are thinking negatively or poorly of them. That’s just something that I think is a powerful idea that Bob has written his book about. It’s an idea that I’m excited I got to share about with all you listeners here on The Defining Success Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Now go out there and find your success!

Find out more about Bob Burg and his book, Adversaries into Allies

Visit Burg.com! You can download Chapter 1 of several of his books for free on the site to see if you like them.

Bob Burg's book Adversaries into Allies

Quotes

  • “Unless you can influence others; move people to the appropriate and desired action, obtaining really really huge success is difficult.”
  • “I believe that combining benevolent intent as well as a learned skill set you can really find yourself constantly, consistently and even predictably obtaining both personal and business satisfaction while adding exceptional value to everyone whose lives you touch.”
  • “This is what I call that ultimate influence. The ability to get the results you want from others while helping people feel genuinely good about themselves, about the situation and about you.”
  • “We need to be able to work with these people in a way that is able to move them from an adversarial situation to one where we’re both working together towards a common goal.”
  • “When you take an adversary and turn them into an ally they often become your most loyal allies.”
  • “Assuming someone is going to be helpful doesn’t change them, it changes you, and that’s what changes them.”
  • “It’s only when you are in control of yourself and your emotions that you are even in a position to be able to take a potentially negative situation or person and turn it into a win for all involved.”
  • “The ego can be very harmful when it controls us. When we’re in control of our ego we can use it and steer it, utilize it to accomplish great things.”
  • “If you set the frame you can do more to evolve the situation into a positive win-win situation. It’s up to you to set the positive frame.”

More from the Interview

Bob has his new book, Adversaries into Allies, out and that’s what he’s spent most of his time on since our last interview with him. He says, “Nothing changes with me. It only gets more so.”

This book is one that Bob has really wanted to write for a long time. He says, it’s a message that he wanted to share in a more formal way than he has in the past. At this point most people realize that you can have all the positive success traits. However, unless you can influence others; move people to the appropriate and desired action, obtaining really really huge success is difficult.

Bob believes that combining benevolent intent as well as a learned skill set you can really find yourself constantly obtaining both personal and business satisfaction while adding exceptional value to everyone whose life you touch. He calls that ultimate influence. The ability to get the results you want from others while helping people feel genuinely good about themselves, about the situation and about you. It’s about mastering people skills. How often do we see someone who has a lot of those traits we mentioned and they just seem to be passed over, by that person who just seems to have that knack with others. They are likable, attract people to their ideas, and seem to be able to elicit buy-in and agreement from people.

He says, we do have to understand that there are people who stand in the way of our personal and business satisfaction, but we need to be able to work with these people in a way that is able to move them from an adversarial situation to one where we’re both working together towards a common goal.

It’s being able to take that situation and working it in such a way that both parties feel great about each other, great about themselves, and the situation works itself out so that both people win.

“When you take an adversary and turn them into an ally they often become your most loyal allies.”

It can be long term. It can be short term. There’s a time I was in a parking lot, I wasn’t paying much attention, as I pulled into a parking space I nearly clipped a guy getting out of his car. He reacted with a nasty look, if looks could kill. Rather than let my ego fall into that and allow myself to buy into his frame I smiled and waved through the windshield and mouthed the word sorry. Immediately the guy dropped the look and said, No problem.

When you don’t buy into that frame but instead you decide to reset that frame it really can be such a simple matter. It doesn’t mean that’s going to happen everytime, but it happens most of the time.

Assuming someone is going to be helpful doesn’t change them, it changes you, and that’s what changes them. When you assume they are going to be the way you want them to be you have gratitude for that and they are tapping into the energy of your gratitude and they feel good about you and because of that they take on that very quality.

5 Key Principles of Ultimate Influence

  1. Control your own emotions
    It’s only when you are in control of yourself and your emotions that you are even in a position to be able to take a potentially negative situation or person and turn it into a win for all involved. We like to think we are logical and to an extent we are. We make major decisions based on emotion and then we back those decisions up with logic.
  2. Understand the clash of belief systems
    A belief is a subjective truth. It’s a truth as we understand it to be. As human beings we all see the world through our own filter. It’s a combination of every experience we’ve ever had. It’s not conscious. We don’t necessarily need to understand their belief system, but simply be aware of it. Understand that there is a clash, that both of you are most likely coming at this from an entirely different world view.
  3. Acknowledge their ego
    Realize that if this other person is saying or doing something that is not constructive, but is counter productive or hurtful, even to their own good, there’s a good chance their ego has taken over. The ego can be very harmful when it controls us. When we’re in control of our ego we can use it and steer it, utilize it to accomplish great things. We need to know that this person that may be controlled by their ego, know that we’re dealing with something that’s not based on logic, but is ego driven.
  4. Set the proper frame
    A frame is simply the foundation from which everything else evolves. In any potentially negative situation, a frame will be set. The only question is, who is going to set that frame? If you allow them to set the frame, it’s just luck. If you set the frame you can do more to evolve the situation into a positive win-win situation. It’s up to you to set the positive frame.
  5. Communicate with tact and empathy
    Communicating with tact and empathy brings it all home. It’s so important. My dad has always defined tact as the language of strength. People make mistakes, we need to be able to teach. We need to do it in a way where people aren’t sensitive to it and resistant to us but they are open to us. This only happens through tact. Empathy is a way of being able speaking with tact. Do your best to put yourself in this person’s shoes and say, how is this person going to feel if I speak to them like this.

These principles work together naturally.

The book explains about each of these principles in Chapter 1. Then the rest of the book is just scenarios where people can see themselves in situations (past, current or future) and then they have the words, phrasing, and correct attitude to handle them properly. Sometimes they really are adversaries, other times it’s just situational.

Bob picks his parents as the most successful people he knows. They have a successful marriage, a family that adores them, and they are very happy and content with their lives.

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Episode 22: How To Be a Go-Giver | Bob Burg Author of The Go-Giver

Thank you for visiting the Defining Success Podcast.  Please download, subscribe and rate our podcast on iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/defining-success-podcast/id619459909 Thanks for listening!

Author of The Go-Giver Bob Burg

Author of The Go-Giver Bob Burg

Teaser:

Bob Burg shares the lesson of his book, The Go-Giver in Episode 22 of the Defining Success Podcast.  Learn the five laws, that when applied can guarantee a person’s success. Bob is extremely knowledgeable and shares his expertise on business and some advice and tips which you can apply to your business today.

Recap:

Bob Burg is a sought after speaker at corporate conventions and for entrepreneurial events.  He has addressed audiences ranging in size from 50 to 16,000 – sharing the platform with notables including today’s top thought leaders, broadcast personalities, Olympic athletes and political leaders including a former U.S. President.

Bob has written numerous books, has been a public speaker, has worked in sales and has a lot of experience helping others increase sales.

This interview focuses on Bob’s book, The Go-Giver, a book that encourages people to be go-givers and to be willing to help others in order to attain individual success.  Bob also says that a go-getter and a go-giver are not opposing philosophies, but rather that one could be a go-getter and also a go-giver.

If you look at the companies that are successful, have a long-sustaining business, and who run the business well.  They take the five laws from the go-giver and those laws were already in play.

The five laws are the laws of value, compensation, influence, authenticity and receptivity and all five laws work in conjunction with each other.  When all five of these are used in conjunction it makes it possible for people to achieve their goals.

The Go-Giver by Bob Burg

The Go-Giver by Bob Burg

The first law of success is to give more value than what you take in payment.  In business, it’s important to focus on the other person.

The second law says that the more people we add these values to then the more we will receive in return.  As you add more value to more and more people you will have more people willing to spread the word about you and your business.  Our value comes from how many people we can add value to.  Not only do we need to provide great value, we also need to provide that service to as many people as we can.

The third law is the law of influence that says your influence is determined by how abundantly you put other people’s best interest first.  The best leaders see how they can place other people’s interest first and if they can do that they will become more successful.  To the degree you’re able to help others the more likely people will be willing to help you.

The law of authenticity shows how willing you are able to help yourself.  All the sales skills, and technical skills are very important, but those skills are not valuable if you don’t show up as yourself.  When people see there real you, they become attracted to you and they respect you and they like people who walk in their own integrity.  One key in authenticity is being confident enough to do so when we understand the value that we bring to others.  Market value are skills, traits and values that you bring to the marketplace.  It’s important to have someone that is removed enough from the situation who can see who the forest is from the trees.

The fifth law is the law of receptivity.  You have to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give in order to be successful.  Giving and receiving work in tandem with each other.  The key is not giving or receiving, the key is to focus on the giving and allow the receiving.  If you can’t receive the little things, then you can’t receive the big things.

Bob says that if you follow those five laws, you’re guaranteed to succeed.

A lot of people think that selling is taking advantage of others or trying to convince people of what they don’t want or need.  Selling is actually about helping people get what they want or need.  When you shift your focus from an I focus to others you will see a return.

Engaging Discussion Questions:

  • How do you know when you’re being your authentic self?
  • What do you think of the five laws Bob presented during the interview?
  • Are you a Go-Giver? Why or why not?

Links to Great Stuff:

Bob Burg – “Bob Burg shares information on topics vital to the success of today’s businessperson. He speaks for corporations and associations internationally, including fortune 500 companies, franchises, and numerous direct sales organizations.”

The Go-Giver – “The Go-Giver tells the story of an ambitious young man named Joe who yearns for success. Joe is a true go-getter, though sometimes he feels as if the harder and faster he works, the further away his goals seem to be. And so one day, desperate to land a key sale at the end of a bad quarter, he seeks advice from the enigmatic Pindar, a legendary consultant referred to by his many devotees simply as the Chairman.”

T. Harv Eker – “Eker is the author of the best-selling books, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and SpeedWealth. He has also developed several highly-acclaimed courses such as The Millionaire Mind Intensive, Life Directions, Wizard Training and Train the Trainer. He is also the producer and trainer of the world-famous Enlightened Warrior Training.”

Success Quotes:

  • “Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile dream or goal.” from Nightengale
  • “Success is a feeling of piece of mind and genuine happiness based on having done ones best in living up to their potential.”
  • From Sean Woodruff “A great salesperson matches the benefits their product or service with the wants, needs and desires of the prospect.”
  • “When you’re selling you’re giving time, attention, council, education, empathy and ultimately, great value.”
  • “When you’re selling, you’re literally giving.”
  • “One mistake people make . . . is thinking that giving and receiving are opposite concepts.”
  • “The key to authentic giving is to stay open to receiving. 
  • “Being authentic means that we are congruent.”
  • About Gandhi “Integrity is when everything you think, feel, say and do are in alignment.”
  • “The golden rule of business says that all things being equal people will do business with and refer business to those people they know, like and trust.”
  • “The money you receive is a direct result of the value you provide.”
  • “Money is an echo of value.”
  • “The first law of value says your true worth is determined by how much you give in value than you take in payment.”
  • “A go-taker is somebody who feels entitled to take, take, take without having added value to the person, to the process and to the situation.”
  • “We want to take the focus off ourselves and move from an I focus to an other focus.”

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